Trying to have a normal life is a challenge. If I’m not taking care of my baby, I am anxious and guilty. If I AM taking care of Ben, I’m frustrated and jealous.
But this weekend I started an upward swing (hopefully it lasts!). I went to an annual party held by some friends and enjoyed myself. Seriously. It’s a retro food party, so I made (and ate!) some delicious food that involved way too many olives, toothpicks, and Jello.
I took a few hours away from Ben (who stayed with his very capable daddy), and enjoyed my friends and the outdoors. I’m so glad I did it. It felt right, and good, and necessary.
And later that night, when I’d returned home, I held Ben close while he had a bottle and savored his precious weight. I thought for the first time, there will come some future when I’ll miss this, when I will long for these days. And I was so thankful for the moment of pleasure and awareness.