I have been fighting since the day of Ben’s birth. Fighting to recover, fighting anxiety, fighting insurance and hospital bills. Fighting to receive the correct wound care when my incision opened. Fighting to find out the reason for the massive hematoma that caused the split in the first place. I have never had any trouble being an advocate for myself.

But sometimes being your own advocate isn’t enough. You need other advocates, you need resources and guidance. That’s what happened to me. I knew what I wanted: help for my anxiety and depression, help with feeling like my life was spinning out of my control, help with SLEEP. I just didn’t know where to get it – or worse yet, the places I could get it had waiting lists of months. The help was there, it would just be far too late.

I continue to advocate for myself even though I’m part of several programs and seeing several counselors. I didn’t feel like any of my programs were dealing directly with the PTSD and birth trauma I experienced, so I sought out a therapist who specializes in EMDR. I was given to understand that it could quickly and effectively address my trauma and give me the chance to work through it in a positive way. The experience has been amazing so far; I no longer feel fear and resentment about my c-section and complications, I feel like a warrior.

And yet I’m stuff forced to fight with my insurance company about whether or not they will pay for this most essential of treatments. EMDR is a treatment that can reduce my need for long additional programs that they do pay for, ultimately saving them money.

I continue to advocate for myself, and now for other women. I’ve written emails to senators and representatives asking for help in changing the way women who present with perinatal mood disorders are treated. I eagerly await the chance to push these issues to the forefront, make them visible and changeable. Make it easier for women like myself to be their own advocates.

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